Woah, I'm a mom... how did that happen?

I'm pretty sure everybody knows how it happened, I mean.. I didn't get pregnant swimming in Pinkham pond last summer.. so I'll go back to the beginning.

In the beginning, there was a trailer park. It's still there actually. The trailer that I called home for the first 18 years of my life is gone, but the neighborhood I grew up in is still there. That's where I met him. We were 7 years old. It was a cloudy day, and I feel like I remember it being chilly and windy as well. I was running something to the mail box for my mother. Half way through the field this strange little boy comes running toward me from the opposite direction. He popped out from behind a tree right as I was approaching it and we both stopped dead in our tracks.. we had almost run into each other.
"Who are you?!" He demanded.
"I'm Ashley, who are you?" I replied.
"I'm Neil, and that's my brother Noel. (he pointed to Noel who was closely following him) Do you wanna be friends?"
"Yeah! Sure!"
"Ok, lets go play in the woods!"

And that's how we met. I don't remember the rest of the day.. I don't even remember bringing the mail to the mailbox.. I only remember that moment.

As our friendship continued we somehow decided at the ripe old age of 7 that we were to be 'boyfriend and girlfriend' I'm not sure how that came about either. I think it started when we realized his name was Neil, and my last name was Armstrong. Somehow that meant we were destined to be together because of Neil Armstrong (you know.. that guy who walked on the moon?).. don't ask me how it made sense, I just remember Noel and Nich picking on us about it.. and we eventually decided that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We used to sneak off into the tall grass to cuddle and hold hands. I don't think we even really talked when we did it. We just sat in the tall grass holding hands.

Every other weekend I would anticipate their arrival friday night. Around 6pm if I remember correctly. They always had to stay inside for the night for a family dinner with their mom.. but were usually allowed to come out and romp around the neighborhood a little later. Especially when we got older.

After a couple of years Neil dumped me, and I was devastated! As devastated as a girl under the age of 10 can be anyway. I remember crying into my pillow holding a picture of him for 15 or 20 minutes, and then suddenly getting over it as if it had never happened. I knew we would always be friends. And we were. Every other weekend the boys would come over, and we would spend the majority of our time running around in the woods, rolling around in poison ivy, and climbing trees infested with brown tail moth caterpillars resulting in heinous rashes that would take us ALL summer to get rid of. Good times! Sometimes Neil and Noel would come and help me sneak out my window, and we would spend hours just walking around shaws, talking about things that teenagers talk about.. swearing and boasting about how we thwarted our parents attempts at setting a curfew.
In the winter, we would go sledding on 'dead hill' (a really steep hill with a bunch of junk washers and dryers and crap at the bottom we spent a day or two cleaning up). When we were almost frostbitten, and soaked to the bone we would return to their house, and their mom (Ana) would make us hot chocolate from scratch. We would usually retreat to their bedroom and play the latest and greatest game console. It started with the n64 (and so started my love for gaming), then the playstation.. then the playstation 2.. some of my most fond/memorable moments from growing up were in that room playing video games.

As we aged, the boys stopped coming to the trailer park as often.. and I saw less and less of Neil. I was in a serious relationship and rarely saw Noel because I was so crammed up Mikes ass. Finally Mike and I ended up getting married (while I was still in high school *facepalm*) and I moved with him to Gulfport, Mississippi. Not because I wanted to leave the only state I will ever love enough to live in.. but because the United States Navy said so. I was miserable. I started drinking.. a lot. Tequila mostly. I usually say that I didn't have any friends in MS, but I did.. I'm just a little ashamed to admit that I fell into kind of a bad crowd, and I spent most of my time down there blowing off my husband to hang out with them and get drunk. Bottom line, I really didn't want to be in Mississippi. I didn't want to be married either. I loved Mike deeply when I married him (as deeply as an 18 year old can love someone) but when he joined the navy and left me for boot camp, training, and his first deployment we both changed a lot.

It was actually a telephone conversation with Noel that made me realize how truly awful I was being to myself by trying to pretend everything would just work out if I stayed there. I hadn't talked to him in years, but my dad ran into him at battle of the bands and gave him my phone number. Dad had called me from BOTB while my favorite local band (Lost Conscience) was playing. I sobbed for over an hour, longing to be home. I confessed to Noel that I was miserable, and he gave me the 'sometimes you just have to do what you have to do' pep talk.  I didn't end up telling Mike how I felt until after my first visit back to Maine (6mos after the move) and I didn't end up coming home for good until a few days before thanksgiving. That was 2007.

I saw Neil for the first time in about 5 years at walmart. I was looking at the lunchables when someone called out my name. I turned to see who it was and some strange dude with long hair and sunglasses was walking quickly in my direction with his arms out. I must have given him a funny look... I know I was thinking "Who is this goober trying to get my attention?" He took off the sunglasses and I immediately recognized him.. I was SO excited to see him! We talked for a few minutes and I asked for his number. He didn't have one, but his friend insisted that I take his because they were always hanging out anyway. The first time I used it was just a few days before my 21'st birthday. I wanted Neil and Noel to be there. I called the number I was given, and the friend told me that Neils mother was very sick in the hospital, and he hadn't seen him in a few days. The only other way I knew of to contact him was to call his dad. I'll never forget what he told me when he answered the phone.

The next time I saw Neil was at his mothers funeral. We both started crying when I saw him. He opened his arms and said 'come here'. He thanked me for coming. I felt guilty for not having called sooner. We exchanged phone numbers at the reception, and played phone tag for a few months after.. but he rarely answered his phone. Numerous times I considered hopping in my car with a dish full of supper, and some cookies and knocking on every door of the apartment complex he told me he lived in.. but I never did. About a year later.. some friends of ours from the trailer park were graduating high school. I called the number for his dad once more and left a message from Dudet. I never expected to hear back from him, but he texted me later that night!

A few weeks later we were dating. On our one year anniversary Neil asked me to marry him. Two weeks later we found out we were expecting. Finally after 9 months we have this beautiful baby girl. I can hardly believe the events that lead up to this point in my life. Parenthood. I feel like we have that storybook romance that you only read about in books. I look at my daughter, and I see my childhood sweetheart in her face. He was my love before I knew was love was, and he'll be my love forever.

 16 years ago, I was a little girl running through a field to the mailbox. Today, I'm a mom. So.. basically.. that's how it all happened. I'll probably elaborate on little bits and pieces of the story as time goes on, but this is the start of it all. We'll call it the preface to the Epic tale of my adventures in parenting.